How To Recognize Parental Alienation (And Ways To Deal With It)
Parental alienation frequently emerges as a significant challenge in divorce proceedings involving children. While sometimes unintentional, one parent may deliberately work to damage the relationship between the other parent and their kids, often to prevent meaningful contact and time-sharing opportunities.
Behaviors That Cause Parental Alienation
Parents may intentionally alienate by speaking negatively about the other parent or discouraging contact. However, unintentional alienation also occurs—for instance, when a parent displays emotional distress upon hearing the other parent mentioned, inadvertently signaling disapproval despite saying nothing explicitly negative.
Common Alienating Tactics
Monitoring Communications: Eavesdropping on phone calls or intercepting text messages between the child and the other parent.
Controlling Information: Withholding or deliberately providing false information about the child’s activities, interests, and schedule.
Refusing Contact: Denying visitation rights or preventing time-sharing arrangements.
Speaking Negatively: Making disparaging comments about the other parent in front of the children.
Creating Loyalty Conflicts: Forcing children to choose sides or making them feel guilty for loving both parents.
How Child Choice Promotes Alienation
Permitting children to decide when to spend time with the other parent can inadvertently foster alienation. By letting a child choose when to spend time with the other parent, a parent intentionally or unintentionally forces the child to choose between parents, forming negative feelings about the other parent in the process.
Children naturally want to please their parents. When given the “choice” to visit the other parent, they may feel pressured to decline to make the custodial parent happy.
What You Can Do
If you suspect parental alienation is occurring, it’s important to:
- Document specific incidents
- Keep records of missed visitations
- Note any changes in your child’s behavior or attitude
- Consult with a family law attorney
Don’t simply accept claims that your children refuse contact with you, as this assertion may itself reflect alienating behavior. A child custody attorney can help you understand your options and protect your relationship with your children.